Helping You Grieve

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Bereavement Support Network

We Can Help You Through The Grieving Process

When you are grieving it can feel like nothing else is happening in the world and sometimes you may focus on negativity and this can feel very painful for a short time.

Nothing in life can really prepare us for this, only time, love and understanding can maybe help to get through it. Here are some ideas that may help although it is worth remembering that each person is unique in how they feel and how they cope;

It is essential that you try to maintain a healthy lifestyle and diet, trying to eat well and exercising will help you sleep well. You can do a self-assessment at nhs.uk – Looking after yourself is so important.

When the time is right you may want to seek out local community groups to meet other people for example through Royal Voluntary Service or other support groups in your area which you may find by looking in your local press.

Reading can be a great help, you may have the opportunity to join a book club or seek local services such as “Books on Wheels” and “Home Library”. Even by visiting a locals charity shop there is often a wide selection of titles which may stimulate your interest.

You may want to become a volunteer for a charity of your choice which may support your feelings and help to speak with other people around you, if you have access to the internet then a search of your local area can often reveal organisations locally that you may not have heard of. It is easy to underestimate what difference your own input can make to small charities, no matter how small of large that input is.

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Coping With Grief

Grief is very personal and you might go through a range of feelings and could sometimes feel overwhelmed. Two key things that can help the most are time and support.

Some people say that when you are grieving, you move through different stages but it might not feel like that to you. It may seem that you switch back and forth between feeling very upset or angry and then feeling better or being able to shut it out by focusing on other things in your life. To face up to your loss and confronting strong feelings about it some of the time, and at other times avoiding thinking too much about it as a way of coping are quite normal.

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Being Shocked And Numb

Following the death of somebody close you might feel numb. Some people feel so shocked that they can’t accept that the person has died at all. They even deny that it is true.

This feeling usually passes as they start to talk to other people about the death.

Agitation And Longing

As the numbness passes, you might feel an overwhelming sense of agitation or longing for the person you have lost. This feeling of missing the person can make it difficult to relax or concentrate.

You might find you dream that the person is still alive. You might even walk into a room and imagine you’ve seen your loved one standing there.

Some people find this disturbing, but others find it comforting. It seems to happen because we want to see the person again so much.

Anger

It’s common to feel angry. You might think it unfair that someone close to you has died. This can make you feel very angry with everything and everyone.

It’s not unusual to feel angry with the person who has died for leaving you. Or you could feel angry with other people such as doctors, for not stopping them from dying.

Guilt

Some people feel guilty, going over in their mind things they would have liked to say or do before the person died.

You might find that you feel guilty that you are still alive, or that you couldn’t prevent the person from dying.

Or you could feel a sense of relief when the person dies, perhaps because they had been very unwell for a long time – and that feeling relieved makes you feel guilty.

It is important to know that feeling guilty is very common and to try not to dwell on it.

Sadness Or Depression

To begin with you might have periods of intense sadness, where you deeply miss the person and cry aloud for them.

As time passes, these times might become less frequent. But you may have times of quiet sadness.

Many people can feel very sad for some time after the death of someone close to them. Spending time thinking about the person you have lost can be a quiet but essential part of coming to terms with their death.

Depression is a much more intense feeling. It can stop you being able to relate to things that you previously felt were important. You may feel that you can’t be bothered with everyday things such as eating, sleeping, hygiene, social activities and work.

Emptiness

You might feel as though you have lost a part of yourself. It could feel that there is a big hole in your life, left by the person who has died.

This sense of pain and emptiness can be very intense at the beginning. It might never go away completely. But as time passes you may begin to feel whole again, even though a part of you is missing.

Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t always mean you will feel happy again. But it does mean you will begin to feel able to cope with the death of your loved one.

Most people who have lost someone close to them say that they never fully get over it. But they find a way to cope with it. And they can enjoy things in their life again and feel that life is worth living.

Hearing this can sometimes be a relief to people who are going through the stormier stages of grief.

You will eventually be able to think about the person who died and it won’t be as painful. Everyone reaches this point at different times. You will start to feel like planning ahead and looking forward to more good times.

This doesn’t mean in any way that you have less feeling for the person who has died. You will always remember and love them for what you shared together.

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